Looking back over my childhood, I usually am overwhelmed with my poverty and the sadness I had undergone. What did the poverty give me and what did I have to give up for that?
Yep, so many things. When I was coming to an age when I came to know what is life, I tried to do something for money. It was when I was about thirteen or fourteen years old. In my elementray school, my parents didn't give me much attention and I was always with dirts on my clothes. Because of this, I hadn't many friends around me and was accustomed with the depise from others and the sadness from it. Yep, that was my life. Even now, writing about it, I am feeling sad. The sadness is never degraded. This is not like others. But, I wanna appreciate it, this sadness makes me strong and at the same time, I feel like I am a human with a warm heart. Ok, this was not what I wanted to write. I wanted to talk about the power the money has. Yep right.
When I was at the age of love, in my university, I've met girls who liked me and also I liked. But, I couldn't go on because I didn't have a future in my life, frankly speaking I was confident at all. Why? there was no back up system in my life. If I don't have a good job, I wouldn't be able to support my family and her. I couldn't guarantee the happiness of my girl. This is why I intentionally tried to avoid and try not to get married with her. Even, I met a beautiful woman, I couldn't give my 100 % cofidence to her, because I could'nt give any future to her. As much as I love, I wanted her to be happy. Yep, I used to think that she deserves more than I.
Yep, this is right. My poverty affects my love in many ways like this. With delicious lies and the a faked confidence which is naturally shown on my appearance, I could get a woman easily. But........... I just didn't. Lie is not just my life. I am so bad at lying.
Whatever, Iike this, poverty take so many things from my life. Even now I don't have much choice in my life. I have only mother and she is not healthy because of a traffic accident long time ago. And I want to give her new artificial teeth. I am not sure of it. And, I just spend much money on computer. With computer, I can spend my time alone not that lonely and this is a way I save my money. With one computer, I don't need to buy TV, Radio, Cassette recorder and even women. I usually satisfy myself by seeing some pornography with computer. This is the way I live. I don't buy new clothes or fancy products. I just hate that.
I do scarecely buy meal for others and try to save some money whenever I have some meal with others together. This is one of reasons why others don't like me much. I just can't. And in my ordinary life, I don't have a bright face or impression. Because I always worry about my mother and my future, and the world where so many people are on famine as you know.
I think poverty affects a person's life so many ways. And this is why people try to get more money. In our lives, money plays an important role and I've seen people used to say that money is not important, love is important and so on. Personally, I agree partially with that. But, we must not disregart the power of money. I've seen and experienced the power of money in front of law and even love.
I think we all have to endeavor to make the world where money really don't any role at least in front of law and justice. I wanna make that kind of world. American government killed so many people directly and indirectly in the name of security or god. If you look at the event more closesly, you will be able to know this is because of money. Just because they are more gregarious.
